Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Ups and Downs

A lot of people know that I've had an interesting life, but along with the exotic, the risk-taking, the insatiable curiosity and need to learn comes a lack of stability, and security. As a result, I have had several reversals of fortune in my life. Lofty highs to Dark lows. And back again.

I can remember standing on my deck in North Carolina looking out at the snowy yard, the birdhouses filled with cardinals, and wondering "How can I leave this place?" It was beautiful, rural, and peaceful. But I was cold. I longed for sunshine. For two long winters I dreamed of sun.

Once I got the little house on the lake in Florida, I figured I'd died and gone to heaven. Sunshine, a grapefruit tree, bouganvillea overflowing the patio. Along the shore of the lake, wading birds and flocks of ibis gathered.

So, how can I leave this place?

It's a longggggg story (which I'm not going to tell) but this is one of those moves in the other direction. I am losing this wonderful house, the lake, the peace. I'll also be filing bankruptcy, giving up my beloved option trading (for lack of funds) and living in what can only be called tawdry conditions. I mourn.

On the other hand, I am challenged. At age, it is hard to muster the fire to rise from ashes. Just when one thinks they can't bear one more onslaught of pain, a new breath sucks into the lungs, expands and fills you with determination. I don't know if that's the human spirit or the sheer stubbornness of my particular neuroses, but I am plotting and planning already to get back on track.

1 comment:

  1. I know you will grow and adapt to this new challenge.

    Elizabeth G.